Reasons to be an Astronaut.

I'm not going to be an astronaut...I don't have the attention span for it, and I don't think they have internet connectivity in space...
So, for all the of the crazy people who can go months at a time without WiFi and have a long enough attention span, I have created a list of reasons why you should be an astronaut, and what you should do as an astronaut.

1. Be able to predict the weather from space.
Should there be windows in the shuttle, or the space station, or whatever, you can do things like this.
"You know Rick, it looks like Kansas is gonna have a storm tomorrow....I think its gonna snow in Wisconsin too." "Thats hail, stupid."

2. Stupid and predictable jokes.
Again with the window thing...When you can see the continent/country you are living in when not in space, say, "Hey! I can see my house from here!"

3. Sing random songs on your way into space.
I'm not talking "A thousand bottles of freeze-dried beer on the wall."(That does sound entertaining though.) No, I'm talking about songs from Spongebob, or even your favorite internet autotune.
The point is, they will be thinking about how amazing this experience is while you'll be thinking about how fast you can sing the "Campfire song song".

4. Lots of buttons to push.
Whether you know what they do or not, they are buttons, and you can push them.

5. Being able to prove someone can hear you if you scream in space.
When you're in space, the logical thing to do is say things like this: "ksssssch. Houston, can I ask you a question?" "Go ahead." "ksssssch. Okay well I was just wondering about the-" this is where you scream at the top of your lungs. "Did you hear that, houston?"

6. Ice cream that doesn't need a freezer.
It doesn't go runny...Ever...

7. Flying.
No gravity means you can fly all the time. If you plan on becoming an astronaut, I would start thinking of Superhero names now.

Books

I remember a few years ago, either this popped into my mind or my mother told me to do it, I decided to write a book.

It was about a girl named Gabby, her sister Tessa, her dad, a hot werewolf guy named Jake, and their Bull Mastiff named Lai, and I'm pretty sure I named Tessa after my sisters dog she used to have.

I remember the beginning of the story where a guy came to their house and told Gabby their mother was dead...About ten chapters later she was proved alive...For some reason I thought that her mother's air force buddies would think this was a funny joke...I soon realized it would never happen, yet I kept it anyways.

I was going through a Jon and Kate plus 8 craze at the time, and the idea of having Jake and Gabby have six kids randomly popped into my mind, and was pure gold... A few were named after friends, a few had names I just lied, and one had some weird werewolf name from an internet generator.

But...How? I had no knowledge of where babies came from at that age, so I needed an excuse, and it had to be good! Then one day, it came to me! "I got it! When a girl gets turned into a werewolf, there is a possibility she gets pregnant!" Plus at this point Gabby was already a werewolf, so it worked. Looking back, it was a stupid idea. This is where my favorite characters came in...Kasey and Corey. I believe they were brothers, but my memory of the writing process is blurry...Kasey and Corey were Jake's best friends, and only pack members. They were also living in a dump, except the exteriror was cool...In the inside? That was a completely different story. Bricks and pieces of wood fell from the ceiling...In my imagination, it looked like a drunk guy had taken a jackhammer, a sledgehammer, and a chainsaw and just went insane...

When it eventually came time for Gabby to have her six kids/puppies, I remembered something crucial...Not only did I have no knowledge of how people got pregnant, I had no idea how they were born. I had hit a wall...I would never finish the story like I wanted, and I would have to simply end my wonderful terrible story by saying, "And Gabby, Jake, and their kids lived happily forever after while Kasey and Corey hunted down the drunk guy that destroyed their house." I couldn't have that happen. And then, my little mind came up with a solution! Gabby would faint, be rushed to the hospital, and then, the kids would appear...Little did I know this would mean that Gabby not remembering it would mean she would've been unconscious during labor, and I'm pretty sure someone would be awake for that.

I remember Gabby putting the kids in their cribs and walking away...Then her mom babysat and one of the kids went through her first werewolf transformation with Grandma not-dead and then she never spoke about it, and Gabby and Jake never freaked out...

But, not long after that Gabby freaked out terribly. Her six kids were now ten years old...And it happened over night. Jake explained it happened to lots of werewolves...He even included it happened to him. About a year later, after receiving and discovering new information, I realized this would be weird, creepy, possibly illegal, and would make Jake a parent at eight years old...I later changed "It happened to me." to "It happened to my little sister."

But I wasn't done yet...No. Not at all...I was in a long-running wolf pack roleplay with my friend over the internet...I figured: "I'll throw a couple of my characters in here! It'll be great!" Thus, Silvermoon and Kyler were thrown in the story. I'm not sure where I got Kyler, but I'm pretty sure I named him after my friends sister...I'm also pretty sure he was dark blue with red eyes...

After that, Jake and Kyler rolled off a cliff...I don't remember how, but Jake eventually came back to life...

I figured, "I'm gonna get this masterpiece piece of crap published someday! I should write a sequel for all the fans I'm gonna have!"

So, I got working on a sequel...It was equally as terrible for the thirty pages I wrote.

Night Time Snacking - Xtreme Steath Style

Your parent/legal guardian/sibling tells you to turn down the volume on your Big Bang Theory episodes on DVD. they say, "I'm going to bed!" you respectfully turn down your nerd fest on DVD and the conversation continues.

"G'night!" "Night ____!"
Thirty minutes to an hour pass...You are now requiring a late night snack...
Tonight, you plan on making as little noise as possible to avoid a SHHHHHHHHHHHH from anyone else awake.
This is where your mission begins.

1. You must first head down the creaky stairs, around the corner, past the bathroom, through the doorway, and into the kitchen...
This part is easy. Once you're down the stairs, you're safe until the kitchen...Day err...Night dream about sandwiches and ice cream...Pudding cups and marshmallow peeps.


2. Good. You're in the kitchen! You're hungry, but idea less...Most of the things in the fridge require a spoon or fork, or a microwave. The beep from the mircowave would probably disturb your sleeping family member(whose bedroom is conveniently placed DIRECTLY ABOVE the kitchen.). You need to work fast, and silent.
This part is kinda tricky...There are those fruit bars in the freezer, but you're not really in the mood...The cupboard door squeaks really loud and thats an automatic SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, so pudding cups are probably out...The only thing you can think of is those chips on the counter and the salsa in the fridge. Go for it!

3. This is where things usually start to go wrong. Don't think you're doing a good job juuuuuuust yet...You aren't done yet so be careful. 
You've got the salsa, You've got the chips, you've got the bowls. Good. This is where I failed and got a SHHHHH. We didn't have mild, just medium and hot. I can't stand hot, and I didn't check to see if the medium was open. After a very loud POP I continued my mission.


4. If you're eating in the kitchen, forget it, you lose. The crunching of your chips or crunchy snack will get you shushed. If you have a TV room, living room, or something, eat there.
First, pour your salsa if you're eating chips like me, and carry it to your eating place. with a chip bowl. If you don't have a chip bowl and just a bag, leave the bag for now, go back for it later to avoid too much noise.

5. If you got through these steps without a SHHHHH. Congrats! Enjoy your snack!
Should you decide you want to grab your laptop from your desk upstairs, thats another story.
Should you accidentally pour too much salsa and set your mouth on fire trying to finish it all, you should probably have that frozen fruit bar now.