Monday, April 11, 2011

Reasons to be an Astronaut.

I'm not going to be an astronaut...I don't have the attention span for it, and I don't think they have internet connectivity in space...
So, for all the of the crazy people who can go months at a time without WiFi and have a long enough attention span, I have created a list of reasons why you should be an astronaut, and what you should do as an astronaut.

1. Be able to predict the weather from space.
Should there be windows in the shuttle, or the space station, or whatever, you can do things like this.
"You know Rick, it looks like Kansas is gonna have a storm tomorrow....I think its gonna snow in Wisconsin too." "Thats hail, stupid."

2. Stupid and predictable jokes.
Again with the window thing...When you can see the continent/country you are living in when not in space, say, "Hey! I can see my house from here!"

3. Sing random songs on your way into space.
I'm not talking "A thousand bottles of freeze-dried beer on the wall."(That does sound entertaining though.) No, I'm talking about songs from Spongebob, or even your favorite internet autotune.
The point is, they will be thinking about how amazing this experience is while you'll be thinking about how fast you can sing the "Campfire song song".

4. Lots of buttons to push.
Whether you know what they do or not, they are buttons, and you can push them.

5. Being able to prove someone can hear you if you scream in space.
When you're in space, the logical thing to do is say things like this: "ksssssch. Houston, can I ask you a question?" "Go ahead." "ksssssch. Okay well I was just wondering about the-" this is where you scream at the top of your lungs. "Did you hear that, houston?"

6. Ice cream that doesn't need a freezer.
It doesn't go runny...Ever...

7. Flying.
No gravity means you can fly all the time. If you plan on becoming an astronaut, I would start thinking of Superhero names now.