Monday, January 31, 2011

Night Time Snacking - Xtreme Steath Style

Your parent/legal guardian/sibling tells you to turn down the volume on your Big Bang Theory episodes on DVD. they say, "I'm going to bed!" you respectfully turn down your nerd fest on DVD and the conversation continues.

"G'night!" "Night ____!"
Thirty minutes to an hour pass...You are now requiring a late night snack...
Tonight, you plan on making as little noise as possible to avoid a SHHHHHHHHHHHH from anyone else awake.
This is where your mission begins.

1. You must first head down the creaky stairs, around the corner, past the bathroom, through the doorway, and into the kitchen...
This part is easy. Once you're down the stairs, you're safe until the kitchen...Day err...Night dream about sandwiches and ice cream...Pudding cups and marshmallow peeps.

2. Good. You're in the kitchen! You're hungry, but idea less...Most of the things in the fridge require a spoon or fork, or a microwave. The beep from the mircowave would probably disturb your sleeping family member(whose bedroom is conveniently placed DIRECTLY ABOVE the kitchen.). You need to work fast, and silent.
This part is kinda tricky...There are those fruit bars in the freezer, but you're not really in the mood...The cupboard door squeaks really loud and thats an automatic SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, so pudding cups are probably out...The only thing you can think of is those chips on the counter and the salsa in the fridge. Go for it!

3. This is where things usually start to go wrong. Don't think you're doing a good job juuuuuuust yet...You aren't done yet so be careful. 
You've got the salsa, You've got the chips, you've got the bowls. Good. This is where I failed and got a SHHHHH. We didn't have mild, just medium and hot. I can't stand hot, and I didn't check to see if the medium was open. After a very loud POP I continued my mission.

4. If you're eating in the kitchen, forget it, you lose. The crunching of your chips or crunchy snack will get you shushed. If you have a TV room, living room, or something, eat there.
First, pour your salsa if you're eating chips like me, and carry it to your eating place. with a chip bowl. If you don't have a chip bowl and just a bag, leave the bag for now, go back for it later to avoid too much noise.

5. If you got through these steps without a SHHHHH. Congrats! Enjoy your snack!
Should you decide you want to grab your laptop from your desk upstairs, thats another story.
Should you accidentally pour too much salsa and set your mouth on fire trying to finish it all, you should probably have that frozen fruit bar now.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Home alone.

My mother has only left me alone a couple times. I believe today was only the 2nd or 3rd time she did. Last time, I was fine. The only problem is, my eyes keep playing tricks on me!
For example, I watched a movie while she was gone, and whenever the sun moved out from behind a cloud, I'd think someone was standing there staring at me. Was there? God I hope not.
Another example is, and this one happens every time I walk by my bathroom, I think a black dog/wolf-like creature is standing where the toilet should be...

And shadows look like people sometimes too. I'm probably just crazy but really, why must my eyes want to trick me...

And even though it has nothing to do with my eyes playing tricks, I thought someone was breaking into my house when I heard a car going about 70 miles an hour on my street for a few minutes. And everytime I'd hear a noise downstairs, or across the hall even, I'd pause my movie for maybe ten minutes and listen and look around like a Meerkat who thought he heard a vulture. Every once in awhile I considered screaming at the top of my lungs to make sure no one was there...However doing that would just bring them closer to me...And the neighbors would probably call the cops...But what would be their reason? Me being to loud? Or me being attacked? They probably wouldn't care though. While the doctor is whining to his friends about how "hard" he has it and while the other neighbors think about what they'll plant in their garden when the spring comes.

I survived though! I love surviving. Its a great feeling.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Here goes nothing.

I don't have funny comics about how annoying customer service is...
Or quizzes about whether or not you'd survive a fight with big foot...
However, I've done many blogs before, they all failed miserably...One was a news blog for a popular kids website, one had many different stories, including ones about me going to swim meets and me fantasizing over the guy I liked. But this blog will be different. I will be telling stories I find funny of my life. Ones from yesterday, today, and 5 years ago. If I can think of any that is...
And since I have nothing else to really blog about, how about a story of what I went through to create this blog?

--January 26th 2011--
There I was. Reading comedy blog posts I had already read ten times just for fun...How would it feel to be a popular blogger? Probably pretty cool...Maybe I should try...Ya know...I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna attempt to be a popular blogger! But...What would I name it? After what seemed like hours, but was only about half an hour, the generators I was using gave me the greatest name for a blog ever. The Cosmic Fish. Beautiful! Only it needed something else! And there it was on the next generated name..."Official" That was it. That was what it needed.

Alas, I was torn between two titles. The Northernmost Sledgehammer, and The Official Cosmic Fish. Who better to ask then my mother, who was conveniently (It took me five minutes to figure out how to spell that word.) placed next to me. She said The Northernmost Sledgehammer sounded too violent...So Cosmic Fish it was!

After I made my banner/header, the internet went out...Oh well. I'd try again tomorrow...Or so I thought.

--January 27th 2011-- The next morning, it was still out. While my mother and I spent 8 hours shopping for various electronics, we had gone from Router, to Monitor, to Computer game, to Monitor, to USB CD-Drive, to Monitor, to Lunch, to TV, to Surge Protector, and to Monitor again. It was a very tiring day to be honest...By the end of the day we got our monitor and Surge protector. And we got home in time for America Idol too...And only then was I able to get to work on my blog.


So, to my readers, (if I have any at all), I promise you, I will have better stories next time we meet.
I'm not sure how to end this so...Bye.